The Voice inside my head
“You can’t keep reblogging other people’s posts, no matter how interesting or relevant they may be! Where’s all the original writing?”, hissed the Voice inside my head today. I didn’t listen. Gave it the Royal Ignore. I’m usually good at that.
But it was terribly persistent, that Voice. Call it The Conscience, that entity whose existence Udai completely denies on a conceptual level!
So why am I not blogging enough? God knows a zillion thoughts mill around my head. My comrade in arms, my iphone 4S, poor baby, is aging and no longer able to keep up with my demands for clicking photos of interesting sights from a moving car! But that’s a poor excuse. I’m just worded out nowadays. Writing for a living does that to you. It takes away all my verve and when I sit down to write on my blog, that wonderful non-judgemental space I am most comfortable in, my second skin, no words come to me.
When I was writing everyday, I would open the ‘New Post’ tab and sit in front of the blank screen till the words flowed. But now, the other voices in my head, the demons, start reading out a long list of deadlines and commitments. Too much clutter! I need to emerge from it, I know.
And so I thanked the Voice and began to type. It’s not that hard. It may not make sense, but I can fill the page regardless 🙂
So I missed a deadline- June 29, 2012 (!)
So I missed writing my blog yesterday. So I skipped a self appointed deadline a month short of reaching the halfway mark on my 365 day project for this daily blog. So what?
I’m happy to note that I write this with not a twinge of guilt or self recrimination. It’s an achievement for me, for I have always been a victim if high self expectations. So much so, that I give up halfways on targets if I know the results are unlikely to turn out the way I wanted them to. Compromised endeavours I shrug off, distancing myself from them lest I flog myself too much.
Sometime in April though, I decided to go easy on myself as far as the blog was concerned. I adopted a go-with-the-flow, no-self-criticism policy. And I’ve been a much happier person for that decision.
I knew skipping one entry would happen some day. I imagined it would happen on a holiday out somewhere in the middle of nowhere because I was exhausted or due to technical snags with connectivity.
Interestingly, I spent last evening with the office gang (a bunch of easy going, intelligent, well adjusted and honest kids) downing beers while we wound up the weeks assignments and then gorging on an authentic Naga style pork dish with bamboo shoots at the Nagaland House in the heart of Delhi (I am told the pork ribs are to die for!). No exhaustion, no tech glitch detracted me, I have no excuse really! I am just glad I still have it in me to let go and enjoy myself without reproaches and other priorities spoiling my enjoyment of the moment!