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Let’s try non-judgemental ways to engage with young people

I find it curious that Orhan Pamuk features as sixth in a list of authors young Indian urban readers intend to read in the near future, after Chetan Bhagat, Jhumpa Lahiri, Amish Tripathi, Charles Dickens and JK Rowling, in that order. I do not know what that aberration means (I see Dickens as one too, but can still be explained by a classic hangover!) and whatever little Indrajit Hazra’s article in August 4th’s Hindustan Times (the survey is conducted by partner C-Fore) publishes is not offering clues either.

The events of the past few months have made me change my views of how I see the world around me. Like the Chandravanshis in Amish’s Shiva trilogy, I now accept that each human lives in his or her alternate reality. The reading preferences of the youth are an alternate reality that we snobbish literature enthusiasts may scoff at, but it is a reality nevertheless. Hazra offers explanations even as he looks down on these reading choices, telling us that the Indian market is going through a phase before it inevitable matures into a more evolved market that presumably will prefer more refined literature. He implies that it is important to be able to consume more thought-provoking literature, for “we are what we read”.

Sure, we are. But then, we are a young nation of wannabes. We are in a constant flux of identity–developing or undeveloped, rural or urban, lower middle class or upper, young or mature, traditional or modern, confident or uncertain, and so on and so forth. Young people have to negotiate complex relationships with themselves, peers, family and society. Young people are fundamentally different in the way they consume, process and engage with information and remarkably astute about the way they see the world around them. Yet, as has been so effectively put forth in the recently published ‘The Ocean in a Drop: Inside-out Youth Leadership’ authored by Ashraf Patel, Meenu Venkateswaran, Kamini Prakash and Arjun Shekhar, the opinions of the youth apparently don’t really matter in the overall scheme of things. We are not interested in understanding young people and their aspirations and worse, we are seriously afraid of placing decision-making in their hands. We prefer to see them as consumers and part of the workforce. We forget that they can be effective change-makers as well. We, the elders, hold the reigns. We expect too little from young people.

Then how can we blame them if their reading preferences are not up to snuff? It is unfair, isn’t it, to provide measured inputs, to box the thoughts of young people into regimented education systems, to prepare for a life whose purpose is to produce and consume, and then to judge them about their lack of interest in art and literature? Or indeed, about their lack of values or disinterest in serving society, accusations that I have heard often enough!

I observe a curious mixture of over-confidence and under-confidence among young people. On one hand, they can conquer the world, being confident of aspects like new technology that fall squarely in their domain. On the other hand, they are constantly searching for identity and trying to grasp the soft skills and the right attitudes that they instinctively know will serve as the icing on the cake in their pursuit for material success. The latter explains why genres like self-improvement, health and spiritual are so popular.

I am, however, heartened to read that 37% respondents read authors other than those six listed in the beginning of the article, showing variety. Entertainment (38%) features as the most significant reason to read, followed my ‘Material that makes me think’ (27%), ‘Easy reading’ and ‘Material I can talk about with friends and colleagues’ come in 3rd and 4th (23% and 12%). The motivations are still the good-old ones and that should tell us that things have not changed as drastically for the worse (ouch, there is judgement there!).

Clearly, given the right exposure and guidance, young people can be encouraged to read a wider selection of fiction and non-fiction. We have diversity in genre and language to offer in this country. New technologies have made reading material more accessible than ever before. Perhaps the most fundamental changes we can make is to allow young people more ‘free’ time to read and engage with cultural and creative aspects of life, to expand their minds, so to speak. Also, we must invest in cultural resources to do so- libraries, accessible and affordable spaces and opportunities for the arts to save us from going under the intellectual poverty line Nilanjana Roy so eloquently blogged about recently. I’m sure experts have many more suggestions, but as a parent of two kids aged 9 and 5, these are the two principles that I am actively trying to follow- allow them time and space, and expose them to culture and creativity. Let’s see how it goes!

Loving the feel of Chandni Chowk

A balmy breeze blows at me as I stand at Chandni Chowk watching the world go by. Some of the world is rushing back home, for others the job of unloading and loading goods still goes on and others seem to have just stepped out of home to sample the pleasures of the day. Shouting, bargaining, laughing and daydreaming people all co-exist in this place that is chaotic and timeless at the same time!
We have spent a few hours in Kuncha Mahajani parlaying with a wholesale diamond and gold jewellery merchant. Before that, we meandered through Kinari Bazaar, buying odds and ends. Grand old buildings, dilapidated and yet in better shape, outshine the newer monstrosities here. Glimpses of decently preserved streets tantalise me, but there is a momentum I am loathe to break to the human and non-human traffic that flows through the gales, kunchas and katras of Shahjahanabad.
An empty road in Gurgaon feels stressful, I thought, while a chock full bust full gali here feels restful, so measured and practised is the pace of life here. Even the contractor who stands beside me shouted at his labourer, a wizened old man, with practised ease, ordering him back to work because he stole a few moments of rest.
I imagined the street in its original glory, with a water body running down the centre. In my mind’s eye, I hear the sounds of the Azan, the tinkling of ghungroos and the whispered murmurings of a time long gone by, smell the fragrance of fresh flowers and ittar. I return to the present and smile. My city is beautiful still.

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Cultural contrasts in Gurgaon: Are we too quick to judge this city?

Yet another article, in the Business Standard this time, highlights the cultural contrasts between the original inhabitants of Gurgaon and its original inhabitants. “The two sets of people do not share public spaces — so vital for a city to become a melting pot of cultures. For example, the city’s sought-after clubs are out of bounds for the villagers because they do not fit the profile,” write journalist Veena Sandhu. Access to private schools is equally difficult for rural children, despite their immense material prosperity. It is a strange situation, by any standards.

I happen to frequent several days a week a space where these two worlds do meet. My gym. Owned by a local, most instructors in the gym belong to Gurgaon’s urban villages. The customers are a mixed bag of ‘us’ and ‘them’. The interaction has helped me look at the young men with a different lens. Often labeled as aggressive and uncouth, the citizens of modern, glitzy Gurgaon would like to dismiss the city’s rural young, avoid them. I, however, see their immense dedication to their bodies, their single minded focus and determination when they work out. I have not once (in several months) seen them ogle at a woman, flirt with one or even come anywhere close without permission. Initially, my attitude was as neutral as possible, perhaps even avoiding eye contact totally. Then slowly, I felt myself relax. Initially a smile would get a stiff response, almost a scared one lest I judge him. Now the regulars will smile back or even have a conversation in the lift. My trainer never introduces me to any of these friends of his by name; that comfort level has not been reached yet. But our distrust is as much the cause for this as the actual cultural divide.

I see spaces like this (and its good to take these spaces even more public than a membership-based gym) as a great opportunity to initiate interaction and sports can be a starting point to evolve a new culture for this city, which is young and in a delicate formative stage. I feel that we are so quick to judge, almost as if someone passing a diktat to allow intermingling will miraculously overnight resolve these issues. And then a woman gets molested, and everything clams shut again, the abyss deepened, trust destroyed.

We need to give this city time to evolve and find its balance. Yes, efforts must be made to initiate those dialogues, and equal opportunity is a good starting point especially in areas like education. Personally too, it is important that we get out of our shells and really open our eyes to the realities, to the ‘human’ side of the people around us.

Glimpses of Hadoti, the undiscovered Rajasthan- Oct 24, 2012

Rajasthan is undoubtedly the most successful state in India in terms of attracting tourists and retaining their interest. The people of this state genuinely take immense pride in their culture and heritage. Their natural sense of hospitality and humility adds to the experience and numerous travelers have returned with the fondest of memories.

Being married into a Rajasthani family has given me a personal peek into the state’s rich culture, an experience I treasure and enjoy with every interaction and visit. Rahul’s village is located in Baran district in Rajashtan. This region, popularly called Hadoti deserves a longer, more relaxed visit and it’s been a long time wish of mine to trawl this region for lesser known heritage and natural sites. For now, I caught some short but delightful glimpses that I share today.

For background, Hadoti is a region in the southern part of Rajasthan bordering Gujarat comprising the districts of Kota, Bundi, Jhalawar and Baran. This area was consolidated in the 12th century by the Tripta Hada Rajputs, a branch of the Chauhan clan and they rules for several years. Many delightful forts are still visible today as we drive around this area and even the most ordinary village can offer the most delightful heritage treasures if you go looking!

We were fortunate to pass Bundi, which is undoubtedly the jewel in Hadoti’s crown as far as heritage tourism is concerned. From Kota to Jalwara, we passed Palaita, which is a fort right on the banks of the Chambal, a lovely location indeed. We always see it on our drive to the village and each time, I long to stop and drop in. Next time, surely!

Bundi

Bundi fort

Palaita: View from the car…

Palaita Fort

Our own village Jalwara has some a small ruined fort and our home abuts it, so we literally live alongside this quaint structure. The village has an adorable little baodi (step well) and this time, I took the time to take some pictures here to document it, just in case we go back another time to find it’s gone!

In our village Jalwara: Fort walls as viewed from our home

Fort ruins in Jalwara

Baodi in Jalwara. We all explored this thoroughly

Baodi in Jalwara, play of light and shadow

Climbing all over the baodi

One our drive back towards Dausa from Kota, we also passed Indragarh, another imposing fort that the Hadas built and rumored to be quite a vibrant heritage town with a nice kund (water tank). Another place that begs to be looked at with some time on our hands.

Indragarh towers over the road….enticing!

Besides the rich heritage, this region is blessed with plenty of natural beauty as well. A combination of the River Chambal and its tributaries, many wetlands and marshes, plus some bits of the Aravalli range means interesting landscapes and many migratory birds. More about that later. All in all, I am definitely planning a more leisurely visit to Hadoti sometime next year. I need more research on places to stay and more background on the family histories in this area to make the visit richer and more insightful. With the way the tourism industry is expanding, niche tourism to a less explored area like this is definitely something I would like to contribute my experiences to!

At home in Fort Bharatgarh! Oct 3, 2012

Where did you stay? That was the question I got asked most after returning from the trip to Anandpur Saheb and Bhakra Dam. Well, where we stayed was certainly a most memorable part of our journey. Thanks to the resourcefulness of Kiran, to whom we all owe this wonderful little sojourn (she runs Birdsong and Beyond, a niche travel venture), we got a peek into the life of the landed royalty of Punjab, in the quaint comfort of their own home.

Bharatgarh is nestled atop a hill in a landscape full of rivulets and ravines, a mini Chambal with a lot more greenery you could say! Located near Ropar at the foothills of the Shivaliks, the fort offers stunning views of the landscape around. From what I understood, it has the distinction of being the only royal residence in the Punjab that has been occupied continuously since it was built. Eleven generations of the Singhpuria Misl of Jat Sikhs have lived here, a clan that was started by Nawab Kapoor Singh in 1763. He is well known in Sikh history as a man of valor and he had the honor of laying the foundation stone of the rebuilt Harimandar Sahib, better known as the Golden Temple, the holiest Sikh shrine in Amritsar.

Approaching the fort

Grand entrance

Each time we passed that door, we said Anaarkali!

The current inhabitants of the fort, Sardar Deepinder Singh and his wife Sardarni Maninder Kaur, run a discreet, simple and elegant home stay in three refurbished rooms in the heritage wing of this delightful little fort residence. It is clearly renovated and maintained with painstaking love and care, and considerable taste. At the same time, it isn’t over the top. Living in Bharatgarh felt like you were within  slice of history, yet it felt like home. The warm hospitality and home cooked, simple food meant we could relax completely, explore the fort freely. The hostess especially came across as a cultured and gregarious person, sharing with us stories of their life, their world view and their attitude, how they achieve the careful balance between the pace of modern life and royal legacy and tradition it is their duty to preserve. Just before we left, we were honored by a peek into their own private quarters, which at this time are being renovated in preparation for their daughter’s engagement, to be held later this year within the fort premises.

Courtyard and entrance to the heritage wing

Living room

View from our room

Our friends for the trip

Sunrise over one of the turrets…The foothills of the Himalayas in the distance

View of Bharatgarh village

Exploring the turrets

Family weaves…traditional baagh

Waving goodbye to the formidable ramparts….

Ganpati Bappa’s dose of fun and bonding- Sep 19, 2012

I woke up Udai with ‘Ganpati Bappa Morya!’ this morning. And the first thing he said is “Why didn’t you take us to Goa this year for Ganesh Chaturthi?”. That stumped me and pleased me and brought the tears to my eyes all at the same time.

When I was a kid, I remember making the trip to Goa for Chavath only once. In my mind, it is a blur of song and dance, firecrackers and new clothes, glowing excited faces and noise. I don’t think I ever asked my parents why we didn’t go more often. I was very much embedded in my role as the cousin-who-lives-far-away, an outsider of sorts, a tourist in the family. I knew we did not have the means to travel every year and that it entailed my parent’s taking leave as they did not have vacations at this time of the year. Logistics ruled our lives and that was that.

This is a different generation; many would say more technologically oriented, with an ability to take rapid changes in their stride. A privileged generation, secure and able to make demands without compunction. But that’s not what made me feel all warm and glowing inside. I was amazed and gratified because Udai’s reaction exhibited his recognition of the family bond, enjoyment of rituals and festivities and the security that comes with the unconditional love and affection my kids have got from all our relatives in Goa.

And in the end, isn’t that what festivals are all about. The symbolism and even the details of how we celebrate may change from Christmas to Diwali, from Thanksgiving to Hanukkah to the Chinese New Year,  but festivals remain a means we employ to reinforce age-old systems, institutions and values like family, tradition, respect, love, faith, joy, etc. Myriad forms of expression, through art and craft, through elaborate culinary preparations often specific to the festival itself, make the occasion an opportunity to savor new experiences.

Last year, in Goa for Chavath, we got together to make a rangoli (pity, I don’t seem to have a picture of it), learning new techniques from older aunts, singing old songs together, laughing insanely at comic impersonations of characters from old Hindi films or family legends. What a good time, we had. Ganpati Bappa sat there presiding over all this frolic, a broad smile adoring his face. Now this is what I’m here for, we heard him mumble!

Here are a few pics from last year’s Chavathi celebration in St Cruz, Goa. Missing all of you cousins and kakas and kakis and above all, Ajjee, a lot today 🙂

Check out the smile!

Told you that the food gets rather elaborate- Here is an edible modak (favourite food) and unir (rat, Ganesh’s vehicle) in preparation!

Yum! Bhog being prepared for the pooja for Ganesh’s parents and sibling, etc to celebrate his birth!

Ajjee, giving someone instructions or regaling us with a story….

 

Aadyaa fascinated at a visit to the idol maker’s workshop! So many Ganpati Bappas 🙂

Festivals are for family bonding!! The cousin gang

 

 

 

 

 

Parliament adjournment symptomatic of an absent culture of debate and civilized dissent. Need to change this!Sep 7, 2012

It’s nothing short of a shame. The Parliament sessions being adjourned. I wince, but walk on as a citizen of the country, when young children get raped, when countrymen kill countrymen, when visitors from neighboring nations get lynched. But today, my head hangs down in shame.

Why is obstruction always a better option than debate for us Indians? Why cannot we have a civilized conversation, agree to disagree, or simply disagree with grace and firmness? Is it that we have not tried hard enough to develop a culture of conversation and communication, a culture of debate and civilized dissent? It would seem so.

I look around and see that theory playing out everywhere. Yesterday, students in a private Gurgaon institution burnt down a part of the building because a student died. She had a heart condition and died in hospital, but the students claimed she wasn’t given immediate attention by the institution. By no means is burning stuff down a legitimate response to the rage, the helplessness that the students must have felt in this situation.

We are a very angry people. So caught up in our anger, in our world of grouses that we have stopped listening to each other, to the person in front of us. If the opinion being expressed is other than what we believe in, we tend to shout louder and drown the other voice. What about listening? Listening does not mean you agree. It only means you listen, process, even learn. Then, you reposition your own thoughts in light if the inputs received.

When you debate, you are the strongest when you can convert your opposition’s point to your advantage. That requires you to first listen intently, patiently and then bring your intelligence into play. I’m not expert, but I’m wondering how well our Opposition listens in Parliament.

When the situation is not debate for debate’s sake and a group is trying to take decisions, listening becomes critical. But beyond listening, for those in position of power, is the need to take criticism in good spirit and address concerns in a logical, informative manner. Here is where the leading party seems to mess up. The Opposition would be less successful at disrupting if the Congress were forthright in providing ansers and even accepting mistakes where required. But then, politics isn’t that simple! Those in power will do whatever it takes to stay there, and ethical considerations simply do not seem to figure in the scheme of things.

To me, all of this only demonstrates an urgent need to build a culture of civilized dissent in our society. I was lucky to get a chance to be a debater in school. I got introduced to it by a certain Mother Teresa in Loreto Convent Lucknow, who picked me for an inter-school debate over other established debaters in the school. I went on to win and she encouraged me to hone my skills. Later, in Army Public School, many more opportunities came my way. I lost the fear of questioning, learnt to do my research well, learn to retaliate in a well spoken manner, learnt to back aggression with facts and logic and accept defeat gracefully, even while plotting to down the opposing team in the next round!

However, in our academic institutions, school and college, no one is encouraged to criticize or debate ideas. Students listen, teachers don’t. We perpetuate that culture of one way communication when we become adults and occupy positions of power. Our natural rebellion and dissent, or even curiosity, is suppressed and we learn to bottle it, only to express it as uncontrolled rage on social media or on the streets! We’re a nation of spoilt children, who all had a bad childhood, in a sense.

I’m aware that this is a simplistic diagnosis and a pop psychology type of hypothesis. But seriously, how do we change this and bring into our society a culture of listening, sharing, collaborating and building consensus- ideas, anyone?

 

Mixed classrooms are an opportunity to teach our children the values of inclusivity and tolerance- Sep 4, 2012

The social divide is, in my perception, the single largest obstacle between India and progress. The apalling manifestations of this divide strike me everyday. The insecurity of the privileged classes and the growing frustrations of the have-nots can explain many of the negatives we experience around us- all manner of crime, anger, safety of women, and so on. And what’s really scary is that our response is only to build more walls, shrink further into our cocoon. We imagine we are spreading our legs in plush comfort, but actually we are squeezing into a very small mental and cultural space. Already, life has lost much of the diversity and stimulus I remember from my childhood. Our social response to dealing with the social divide by sanitizing our surroundings, making everything in our lives as ordered and predictable and controlled as possible, will only mean more boredom, more and more of ‘sameness’…shudder!

Today’s observations are in the context of education and the outright rejection of the elite to the possibility of mixed classrooms as recommended by the Right to Education Act. A Hindustan Times-C Fore Survey, carried by the HT today, exposes the paranoia of urban middle class parents with school going children. 72% believed the quality of education would decline, but that doesn’t bother me so much. What really struck me were the responses to a question that asked parents if having classmates from a lower economic background would help your child become a less prejudiced person. 22% said yes, an astonishing 55% said no and a substantial 23% were non-committal. Now that tells me a lot and I’m not smiling! Being less prejudiced is not something we even consider a desirable attribute any more. It seems to me that we parents want our kids to be smart, intelligent, successful, have myriad skills that will help them land plum jobs in this competitive world. But we’re probably not too concerned about whether our child will grow up to be a sensitive, socially responsible individual. Nobody cares!

We’ve pushed the capitalistic thought so far into the social consciousness of this nation that social equity isn’t something most of us even consider a desirable. Those of us who are vocal about social equity are considered a bit strange, almost like we are disconnected with reality. But the reality is that masses in this nation face huge barriers to progress that they desperately need and crave for. It’s not just us: everyone aspires for upward mobility, even though that might mean different things for different people. And it’s not right for us to begrudge anyone that right.

We need to code an inclusive approach into our children. We need to get out of the ‘step over someone to get ahead’ mentality and believe that we can all progress together as partners and collaborators. Yes, resources are scarce but there are also many opportunities if we have the right attitude.

Mixed classrooms are a great opportunity to build an inclusive and tolerant mindset in our children. My daughter studies in a mixed classroom as Shikshantar has implemented the RTE this year. The kids seem scarcely aware of the differences and the bonding seems great. Of course, Shikshantar uses Hindi and English both as mediums for pre-primary education, so language in itself is not a barrier. But what I’m trying to say is that children aren’t judgemental at all, unless we teach them to be. And they stand to learn a lot from diversity.

I was heartened to read in the same HT spread on RTE that educationists are a lot more positive about mixed classrooms and despite obstacles, are admitting to this being a positive step forward. Its time we changed our mindsets to allow a new generation increased access to quality education. It could mean a bright new future for our nation, increased security and less strife for the world that our children will inhabit in their lifetime.

Living through revolutionary times- Aug 28, 2012

Every generation must think it lives in revolutionary times. I certainly think I do. One indicator is the many subtle and not so subtle changes in the world map. When we were kids, the Cold War dominated the world’s consciousness. Very much in the shadow of the Western powers, India and the Indian media steadfastly followed the rivalry between the US and the USSR. While our political status was non aligned and Russian fairy tales entertained us no end (remember Baba Yaga and the numerous Ivan’s!), American culture showed us glimpses of a life full of the freedom to aspire.
The splitting of the USSR and the fall of the Berlin Wall have been momentous changes indeed. But we have also parallely been witness to dramatically different political systems. Communism Russian style gave way to the Chinese model. In our childhood, we debated the benefits of Soviet style communism versus democracy, now we wonder what the Chinese are doing better than us. It is hard for us to reconcile China’s tremendously capitalistic behaviour with its state controlled model. Now China is looking to re-engineer society and reduce their income disparity in order to continue to grow as an economy. Another innovative experiment to watch out for in our lifetime.
Back home too, the flavour of democracy is changing subtly and continuously. In the midst of chaos is hope that citizen awareness will grow and pressurise the system to evolve towards transparency and efficiency. It is a dream indeed, but who knows… In this wonderful lifetime miracles might yet happen!

Tradition, ritual, family: Devkare ceremony in Calapur, Goa- July 28, 2012

A day before any major life event, there is the Devkare. Today, we appeased the Gods a day ahead of Arnav’s Upanayan ceremony. Arnav is my cousin brother Ashish’s son. Ashooda has the clear distinction of being my favourite brother, sans competition. Arnav therefore had a special place in my heart. That he is only a year older than Udai and we have been fortunate enough to have spend time with each other as family despite living a few continents apart, is our good fortune. It is truly delightful to see the kids play and spar together. We relive our childhood experiences through them, those good old summers when we all visited each other, teased, laughed, cried together (i did a lot of the crying) and drove the parents crazy!
Anyway, there were many special aspects to today’s Devkare. It was held on the top floor of the family home in Calapur. A space we all remember well, but one that has fallen out of use. Being together in that old huge house has a special significance for family members. Besides the nostalgia, we are all aware that there are these few precious occasions remaining that still continue to bring us all together. Soon, it shall become harder for us to organise ourselves to come together like this from different parts of the world. The old home shall, eventually and inevitably, crumble. And along with it an entire era.
I was particularly happy to see Ajjee so excited. Nearing on a 100 years in age, my grandmother is truly remarkable. She admitted to feeling very fortunate to be able to see her great grandson take an important next step in his life. She handmade sheviyo (a type of noodle) that was used in today’s payas (sweet preparation). As well as badiyo (small balls of lentils cooked and dried) that were added to one of the vegetable preparations. Despite being very tired, she watched most rituals and interacted with everyone who came. Remarkable what love and will power can do. I must appreciate the important role traditions and rituals play in making the elderly feel relevant, making their guidance necessary and appreciated by us, who otherwise think we know it all!
Aadyaa and Udai, who have been to this home several times in the past few years, each time for a family ritual, are now comfortable with their cousins, the spaces and the general manner of conducting ourselves with family members. Today, Udai dutifully played the role of dhedo (companion) to Arnav and sat through all the rituals Very seriously Despite not speaking Konkani, the kids seem to have made themselves at home. I now have to keep the tempo of interaction going!
Tomorrow is the moonz (Konkani for Upanayan) when Arnav gets his sacred thread and symbolically adopts Brahminhood. Much buzzing activity, planning and organising has gone into this. I am excited to see what it entails. And of course, meet more people!

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