Photographs by Udai

Oh these many hats I wear! Sometimes I stand in front of my cupboard of hats, the one I open and these hats all come cascading out, in myriad colors and shapes, in several sizes to fit my small head that can sometimes get very very inflated!

This feminist hat is the one that really intrigues me. Should I really be wearing it, this particular hat? I can’t sometimes really make out what color it is and whether it even fits me. Me, who is alert to every hint of patriarchy in my life and yet ever ready to succumb to so many irrational patriarchal constructs that no one forcefully subjects me to. Me, who cannot break out of the mold I find myself in and yet am some sort of free spirit. Not trapped, just reluctant to test the power of my wings.

And then there is the do-gooder hat. That one is also a bit too big, always slipping off and perched at an angle when I walk around with it. I need to grow into that one. Right now, it seems like a tool to feed my ego and make me feel happy about myself, collect the pats on my back, bask in the light from my own self-created halo…

The leadership hat fits well. But I have nowhere to wear it, so it just sits there in the cupboard with an expression of longing stuck on its smug face. The researcher hat is getting a little worn, but am thinking whether to acquire a new one that would take me many more miles. The traveller hat is a happy hat, one that gathers dust for months and then, all of a sudden finds itself living in the suitcase. The artist hat is in a happy place, regularly worn and oh so comfortable. The thinker hat is also overused and I know it needs rest from time to time. The entrepreneurship hat is somewhere at the back, a little crushed and in need of repair. Many others are in there, I’ve even forgotten their names and we don’t speak with each other any more. Or rarely at any rate.

The one I really like is the friendship hat though. That one is magical, always changing color to match my mood, always throwing new surprises and warm when I need warmth, cool when I need to take it easy. With that one handy, life will always be a tad more than tolerable!