I need to get a fairly complex research paper out in a few months. I need to look for universities where a mother of two kids can pursue a PhD without dislocating her entire family. I need to focus on projects at work. I need to sing. I need to dance. I need to do fun activities with friends and family. I need to be creative everyday, every hour. On top of all that, or because of all that, I am a compulsive doodler! I am in a perpetual balancing act, but I also need to do one thing at a time to do things well……

When I write my paper, I find my browser searches veering towards the PhD- potential supervisors, university admission requirements, funding…..

When I abandon the research paper and decide to focus on the PhD searches in earnest, I am drawn to the snippets of fiction that I have started to write, some scrawled on the back pages of diaries and notebooks, some on random word files on my laptop, some others as memos on my phone and now as notes on my brand new ipad mini!

I find myself dreaming of a 6 month travel and writing break. A new destination every fortnight, lots of fiction writing and travel writing, lots of photography……

Thud! I have a research paper to write and the funny thing is that I am passionate about that as well! It also takes every ounce of my creativity and I love doing it.

Then why are my energies so scattered? From the past, a voice comes to me. Of a teacher back in college who rued my lack of focus and predicted it would hamper me some day. And it has, all my life!

I compensate for it with a stubborn sense of self-confidence and most times that works. But not always….

I wrote to a friend in a chat conversation earlier today:

“so much creativity comes in spurts

to have the time, energy and discipline to convert it is the real talent!”

This is not a crib. I am happy. I know I am lucky to be able to do so much of what I want to do. I hope the lucky run continues….