Remembering daddy, thanking my stars!- July 1, 2012

They say girls end up falling in love with people who are just like their dads. I saw the truth of that today.

We were all gathered at Nupur’s house to usher in her birthday and Rahul snicked someone else’s car while parking. There wasn’t anyone around, but Rahul being Rahul, he left his number and card with the security people so the owner could contact him when he found out. A short while later, the owners did call and then started a ridiculous charade of mistrust and misunderstandings, in which someone in the owner’s family refused to trust Rahul’s offer of paying for the damage. Words flew back and forth, Rahul and other friends trooped in and out of a party that was already kind of pooped! Eventually, the couple that owned the car did resolve the issue amicably enough, managing to trust Rahul and take his offer in good spirit.

The discussion afterwards was about the pointlessness of doing the right thing, how people who are good always end up being suspected, how things have changed and good gestures aren’t appreciated any more, etc. And I sat there and thought about how my dad would have done exactly the same thing. Many times in his life, he was considered a tad naive, stupid even, to do things the proper way. But he stuck to his beliefs, even when he lost money or credibility for it. His unwavering principles earned him plenty of respect throughout his life and even today, a decade after he has left us, I meet people who talk to me about how he touched their lives.

He certainly touched mine, not just in the regular ways a father influences a daughter. He treated me like an adult from an early age, trusting me even in situations (like in my slightly crazy teen years) where other well wishers urged him to reign me in. Most of all, he taught me to enjoy appreciation, but not be solely motivated by the approval of others. I find that hard to follow even today and get discouraged by criticism, but he taught me to follow the path I truly believed it, regardless of whether others agreed or not.

It strikes me today how alike he and Rahul are, in always giving me space and respecting my decisions, encouraging me to do what I want, giving me completely unbiased advice even when they know I am dying for kind (but untrue) words! Now I know what daddy meant when, on his death bed, he told me that he wasn’t really worried for me….at the time, I felt slightly hurt but also proud of his trust in my ability to take his passing in my stride. Now I believe he also knew I was being left in very capable hands!

About ramblinginthecity

I am an architect and urban planner, a writer and an aspiring artist. I love expressing myself and feel strongly that cities should have spaces for everyone--rich, poor, young, old, healthy and sick, happy or depressed--we all need to work towards making our cities liveable and lovable communities.

Posted on July 1, 2012, in Personal and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Thank you for writing this

  2. You spoke your heart out mam, such a beautiful homage to your dad, he is gonna be very proud .

  3. That is why GOD made daddys. And hats off to RAHUL. Do keep on maintaining this sanity – come what may. That makes you a more HUMAN. I feel proud to know you.

  4. We’ve (you, me, Rahul, friends around us) been raised with a solid set of values and we tend to gravitate towards people who share those values. The rest are just arguments, circumstances and the like. I guess the real way Rahul and uncle are similar is in their courage to stick to those values. Of course, I didn’t get to see uncle’s courage first-hand, but read it in his biography and of course heard about it from you. It also radiated from him. It’s what made everyone feel safe with him.

  5. Yes that was Subhash..Undaunted by every odd, whether a difficult patient like my mother in law, or even by death. Montu and I had always been awestruck by his cool manner in the face of difficult situations..If Rahul is like him you have every right to be proud of him and so are we.

  6. Thanks for this. And a big hug to you.

  7. Subhash was amazing… Mukta – you are indeed blessed to have a dad like him and a husband like rahul

  8. nishantchander

    A very thought provoking and an emotional homage to your dad Mam, ………Nice piece of writing.

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