Weighty issues on my mind: Craving for fitness- May 27, 2012

I’ve wanted to write about this for the longest time, but never had the guts to. It’s my weight problem! I’ve been overweight for as long as I remember, precisely since higher secondary school. Even in college, weight was a hugely sensitive issue with me. Someone had to just make a passing joke about it and I would sulk the entire day, mulling the comment over and over, killing myself with guilt and low self-esteem.

And then I got married to Rahul, who always loved me for what I was and never ever ran me down on the weight aspect. Two kids down the line, my struggle with my weight has become more realistic and less paranoid. I’ve tried various things and I kind of know what works and what doesn’t.

I have to say this, though. My motivations for losing weight remain a strange mix of three things:

Health-I worry about the slight knee pains I have now and then, weak ankles, and the usual lifestyle disease worries.

Looks-I really do want to wear what I want without worrying about how the outfit will look on me, or worse, whether the shop would have it in my size…hugely embarrassing and depressing experience when they give you that sheepish but unapologetic look!

Self-esteem- I have this self-image of myself as a reasonably thin person. When I look in the mirror, that’s who I see. When I break the illusion, on some days, I see this obese person who is me, but isn’t me really! I don’t want to be schizophrenic. I simply need to thin down into my real size!

Of late, I’ve started realizing that I truly crave for fitness as well. Its a new target, one I am turning over in my head and hoping to really internalize in the next few weeks. Come July, I intend to develop a more holistic training routine. 2013 will see a new me, for sure!

About ramblinginthecity

I am an architect and urban planner, a writer and an aspiring artist. I love expressing myself and feel strongly that cities should have spaces for everyone--rich, poor, young, old, healthy and sick, happy or depressed--we all need to work towards making our cities liveable and lovable communities.

Posted on May 27, 2012, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. All the best lady…May ur pursuit for fitness inspires mortals like me as well…

  2. Vishal Jaiswal

    How very candid Mukta!!!
    First time reading ur post…….I wud love to be what I used to be during my grad days. Keep having similar realisation pangs esp wen I visit to a store to buy a nice graphic round neck Tee and cant find in my size or cant fit into tapered fit formal jacket of size 44. Kuch karna padega!!!!
    Wish u all the very best for your mission weight loss……..me require the same too Lolzzzz.
    On a humourous note…round is a shape too!!!!


  3. This so hits home. I have been overweight for as long as I remember. However over the last 4 years I’ve really become comfortable with that. I am fat and fit. More than 25 kgs overweight, I am content with the way I am. There are 2 things I have realised. I love food….that is what my blog is about, but I also love being fit. Yes I have all the pains, but I make sure I move ….by that I mean excercise for at least 1 hour a day. I am still fat…..but I’m ok with it. I dress to feel good and not to hide my body. I cook, I eat. I workout.
    My advise, make fitness your goal…..not the weight loss.
    Good luck.

    • Sounds good. A good way to look a things! I don’t aspire to be thin, just thinner! I do workout. Plan to step that up and ad some variety…..I dance and do yoga right now. Plan to add some aerobic stuff and strength training and I should be good!! Thanks for inspiring me 🙂

  4. Yeah, make it happen!

  5. We have realized be fit and enjoy life.Excercise daily,makes you feel good..We have a trainer who comes 3 times a week for all three of us,the other three days follow his Schedule given to each of us.

  6. PushDumpFatButton

    Reblogged this on Push Dump Fat Button.

  7. hey muks, funny that you mention your wieght in college and people’s comments setting you off into sulks. guess i was on the other end of the weight issue and decrying the lack of it. (you need some weight on those bones to have any feminine charms!)
    13 years, 6 dress sizes, and two kids later I am still not quite happy with the way my clothes fit. So the issue seems like a universal phenomenon regardless of weight. With my two kids, I notice that they are way smaller (read thinner) than the rest of their peers and of course i have asked them to “eat more” so they can get “bigger”. But perhaps the first erosion of self esteem comes form such helpful parental suggestions (according to my smart husband). i am trying to stop mentioning size or looks to my two daughters… perhaps they will grow up better adjusted than you or I. Its not easy though.
    as for being fit, you haven’t run the Boston Marathon yet but between your kids, work, house, hobbies etc. i bet you get tons of excersice…. I would love to find some time to go to the pool or pilates class myself, to reign in those abs and celebrate the gift of the post-baby boob-fairy!

    • Hi Tina! Actually SPA was very tolerant of my weight. Criticism came from a select few. All those who mattered accepted me as I was. Relatives, temp boyfriends and yes, even parents, implied that losing weight would make me more attractive, healthy, etc. i guess some things just stay. But it weighs far less on my mind now! A good point about refraining from pestering our kids and loading them with our complexes! Wise indeed!

  8. Agree with Tina on this being a universal phenomenon regardless of weight. And everyone seems to agree that fitness should be the goal, instead of weight reduction. The nephew may have put on weight lately, but he managed to do the Tiger’s Nest trek in Bhutan. I felt dizzy not even halfway. Something’s gotta give, obviously…

  1. Pingback: Loving myself, working towards the body I want and other self-obsessed thoughts | ramblinginthecity

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